The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
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its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
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I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think I just sharted jello shots
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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