Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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