Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
