Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
