they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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