If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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