you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
