3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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