No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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