every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
