Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
