she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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