I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
