"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
