Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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