Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
