im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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