so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
