Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
