Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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