when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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