Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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