Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
