What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
