she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
