I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
