I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
