next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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