I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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