Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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