Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
