My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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