so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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