that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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