You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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