a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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