and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
