Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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