When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
