Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
