I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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