GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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