he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
