Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
