on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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