When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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