i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
