At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
