tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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