I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize