I want to stick my p in your. b.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
