I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
And then he peed in my hair
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