sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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