I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
