Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
And then my night got REAL pukey
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
