just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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